by Charlie Murphy. Hilarious.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Terri - German Shepherd mix
Something about Terri's colouring, that cool ash gray mixed with brown, is quite contemporary, like it was premixed on some designer's palette and brushed on. She's a beautiful dog, enjoys life and likes a good laugh.
Terri - German Shepherd mix
For adoption information on Terri and other dogs (and cats and other animals), please visit Toronto Animal Services.
Terri - German Shepherd mixFor adoption information on Terri and other dogs (and cats and other animals), please visit Toronto Animal Services.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Dog adoption super strategies - updated
I've been reading some really informative information about adoption strategies and how to improve them so that shelters can better compete with pet stores and backyard breeders. While some of the advice is quite good, coming from experts and people who actually know what they're talking about, I've always liked to pride myself in thinking that I'm someone who thinks out of the box so I've come up with some additional adoption strategies which I call super strategies because they are super.
1. Add "Loo-hoo" to the end of every name. Cindy might sit in her cage for weeks but Cindy Loo-hoo will get adopted in no time. Annie becomes Annie Loo-hoo. Mabel becomes Mabel Loo-hoo. Don't those names sound so much more appealing? For male dogs, instead of adding "Loo-hoo", add "Big Nuts".
2. Point out to the potential adopters some benefits to dog ownership they may not have thought about such as:
i. Everyone blames the dog for their own farts but did you know you can also blame the dog next time you crap on the kitchen floor?
ii. Your dog can help you get into shape by hitting the play button on the DVD player with the Tae Bo video in it when you're too lazy to get your ass off the couch to find the remote control.
iii. A dog is not only good for scaring away thieves but is also good for biting the postman - which is good if you don't like the postman because he's the father of that goddamn kid running around in your house. Goddamn postman.
3. Put two dogs in a kennel. If someone shows interest in one of the dogs, tell the person that the two dogs are bonded and they need to be adopted out together. If the person protests or gives some excuse about not being able to take on two new dogs, start dancing around, waving your arms in the air and making weird guttural noises and then suddenly stop and with one eyeball stare at the guy and tell him you've just cursed him so that his penis will fall off. If the person's a woman, this strategy probably won't work.
4. A nice way to bring some attention to a dark coloured dog is to tie a colourful bandanna around its neck. Either that or make the dog look like Megan Fox. Again, this strategy will generally work better with men.
5. One strategy that often works with women is to tell some sob story about the dog. Really try to give it lots of juicy detail to get the woman to really empathize with the dog. If that doesn't work tell her you've slept with her boyfriend and he really isn't all that hot.
6. Have a "trade in day" event. This is where you advertise to the public that they can bring in their old dogs and trade them in for younger ones, maybe even for puppies if you've got some. When someone shows up with their old dog to do this, take him into the sub basement and throw him into the fiery pit to Hell. This won't increase your adoptions but it might make you feel better and it also gets you bonus points with Satan. You can also have a "moving day" event or a "doesn't match the new furniture" event.
7. Tell the potential adopter that you've got the most amazing dog just for her. Take her to any dog and ask her to say "Hello" to it. As soon as she's done this, you say "Hello" in a dog-like voice but try not to move your lips. Then point to the dog and say, "Ta daa. A talking dog!" It may take a couple more lines of dialogue before the potential adopter is convinced. If she still isn't convinced and walks away, say in your dog voice: "Yeah, well, I slept with your boyfriend and he's not all that hot," and then shrug and point at the dog.
8. If you're showing an older couple around, tell them that a dog is a great child replacement for empty nesters. Tell them that it'll be just like it used to be when they weren't so old and were surrounded by children who loved them but who have now all left home and hardly ever call anymore and are already planning on how to spend their inheritance money. If the old fogies say something like they like not having kids around and can now spend more time traveling or whatnot, start bawling your eyes out and in between sobs tell them that you just lost your own parents last week when they were murdered while on vacation.
9. Sometimes dogs stay in a shelter way too long through no fault of their own. People just pass them by. You must make every effort to help these dogs find a home. Next time someone comes in looking for a dog, show the person this particular dog. If the person shows disinterest and starts to walk away, proclaim in a loud and determined voice, "Okay, that's it." Take a bottle of vaguely sinister looking pills (you can use Tic Tacs dipped in blue food colouring for this) and start popping them into your mouth and swallowing. When the person looks horrified and asks what you're doing, say: "I made a pact with myself that if I didn't get this poor dog adopted out today by 11:00 [use whatever time it is at the moment], I'd kill myself because I have failed this animal." This should be enough to encourage the person to adopt the dog. If the person still does not show interest in adopting the dog then throw the rest of the "pills" in the person's face and say, "Fuck you, at least I tried," and walk away.
Update:
10. When I was a kid, like 10 or 11, I had this next door neighbour who was like 5 or 6 and he used to be able to vomit on command. He had an older sister who I had a crush on. Sometimes he'd chase his older sister around while trying to spew on her. She'd start screaming and then he'd take his pants off and then continue chasing her while trying to vomit and she'd scream even louder. I'm sure you can understand how being vomited on by a kid with no pants on is much worse than being vomited on by a properly dressed one. The rest of us kids in the neighbourhood would get in on the action and chase him around (while he was chasing his sister around) and whenever we could, we'd pick up some dirt and throw it at him. Ah, lovely childhood. The next time you've hit an awkward moment of silence with a potential adopter, feel free to use this story as your own and place yourself in any of the three main roles. It will help to cement the bond between you and the adopter. Also, this last point rounds out this list to a nice even ten points and I was told that's the way lists should be done (instead of leaving it at nine).
1. Add "Loo-hoo" to the end of every name. Cindy might sit in her cage for weeks but Cindy Loo-hoo will get adopted in no time. Annie becomes Annie Loo-hoo. Mabel becomes Mabel Loo-hoo. Don't those names sound so much more appealing? For male dogs, instead of adding "Loo-hoo", add "Big Nuts".
2. Point out to the potential adopters some benefits to dog ownership they may not have thought about such as:
i. Everyone blames the dog for their own farts but did you know you can also blame the dog next time you crap on the kitchen floor?
ii. Your dog can help you get into shape by hitting the play button on the DVD player with the Tae Bo video in it when you're too lazy to get your ass off the couch to find the remote control.
iii. A dog is not only good for scaring away thieves but is also good for biting the postman - which is good if you don't like the postman because he's the father of that goddamn kid running around in your house. Goddamn postman.
3. Put two dogs in a kennel. If someone shows interest in one of the dogs, tell the person that the two dogs are bonded and they need to be adopted out together. If the person protests or gives some excuse about not being able to take on two new dogs, start dancing around, waving your arms in the air and making weird guttural noises and then suddenly stop and with one eyeball stare at the guy and tell him you've just cursed him so that his penis will fall off. If the person's a woman, this strategy probably won't work.
4. A nice way to bring some attention to a dark coloured dog is to tie a colourful bandanna around its neck. Either that or make the dog look like Megan Fox. Again, this strategy will generally work better with men.
5. One strategy that often works with women is to tell some sob story about the dog. Really try to give it lots of juicy detail to get the woman to really empathize with the dog. If that doesn't work tell her you've slept with her boyfriend and he really isn't all that hot.
6. Have a "trade in day" event. This is where you advertise to the public that they can bring in their old dogs and trade them in for younger ones, maybe even for puppies if you've got some. When someone shows up with their old dog to do this, take him into the sub basement and throw him into the fiery pit to Hell. This won't increase your adoptions but it might make you feel better and it also gets you bonus points with Satan. You can also have a "moving day" event or a "doesn't match the new furniture" event.
7. Tell the potential adopter that you've got the most amazing dog just for her. Take her to any dog and ask her to say "Hello" to it. As soon as she's done this, you say "Hello" in a dog-like voice but try not to move your lips. Then point to the dog and say, "Ta daa. A talking dog!" It may take a couple more lines of dialogue before the potential adopter is convinced. If she still isn't convinced and walks away, say in your dog voice: "Yeah, well, I slept with your boyfriend and he's not all that hot," and then shrug and point at the dog.
8. If you're showing an older couple around, tell them that a dog is a great child replacement for empty nesters. Tell them that it'll be just like it used to be when they weren't so old and were surrounded by children who loved them but who have now all left home and hardly ever call anymore and are already planning on how to spend their inheritance money. If the old fogies say something like they like not having kids around and can now spend more time traveling or whatnot, start bawling your eyes out and in between sobs tell them that you just lost your own parents last week when they were murdered while on vacation.
9. Sometimes dogs stay in a shelter way too long through no fault of their own. People just pass them by. You must make every effort to help these dogs find a home. Next time someone comes in looking for a dog, show the person this particular dog. If the person shows disinterest and starts to walk away, proclaim in a loud and determined voice, "Okay, that's it." Take a bottle of vaguely sinister looking pills (you can use Tic Tacs dipped in blue food colouring for this) and start popping them into your mouth and swallowing. When the person looks horrified and asks what you're doing, say: "I made a pact with myself that if I didn't get this poor dog adopted out today by 11:00 [use whatever time it is at the moment], I'd kill myself because I have failed this animal." This should be enough to encourage the person to adopt the dog. If the person still does not show interest in adopting the dog then throw the rest of the "pills" in the person's face and say, "Fuck you, at least I tried," and walk away.
Update:
10. When I was a kid, like 10 or 11, I had this next door neighbour who was like 5 or 6 and he used to be able to vomit on command. He had an older sister who I had a crush on. Sometimes he'd chase his older sister around while trying to spew on her. She'd start screaming and then he'd take his pants off and then continue chasing her while trying to vomit and she'd scream even louder. I'm sure you can understand how being vomited on by a kid with no pants on is much worse than being vomited on by a properly dressed one. The rest of us kids in the neighbourhood would get in on the action and chase him around (while he was chasing his sister around) and whenever we could, we'd pick up some dirt and throw it at him. Ah, lovely childhood. The next time you've hit an awkward moment of silence with a potential adopter, feel free to use this story as your own and place yourself in any of the three main roles. It will help to cement the bond between you and the adopter. Also, this last point rounds out this list to a nice even ten points and I was told that's the way lists should be done (instead of leaving it at nine).
Brindi to go home
Finally, an end to the Brindi saga is in sight:
From The Chronicle Herald, Brindi’s life spared:
It’s been almost two years since Rogier’s mixed-breed dog was seized by the Halifax Regional Municipality after it escaped from Rogier’s East Chezzetcook home on July, 20, 2008, and attacked another dog. Brindi was on a muzzle order at the time.
It was the fourth time Brindi, about seven, had attacked another dog and in her decision Judge Alanna Murphy said it was "clearly the most serious" of the incidents.
City lawyer Geoff Newton had asked the judge to order Brindi euthanized.
But Murphy said Rogier had been following the muzzle order and said "one lack of due diligence does not mean that (she) is unable or incapable" of properly handling the dog.
The judge handed down some conditions to go along with Brindi's release back to her owner, Ms. Rogier, but they basically amounted to what every responsible dog owner should be doing anyway: have control of their dogs.
I hope and suspect Ms. Rogier will comply with the judge's orders. It seems to me she's the type of person who, when she sets her mind to doing something, sees it through. This two year ordeal could not have been easy on her and it's obvious that perserverence is one of her strong points.
So that's the main thing, that Brindi gets to go home.
This story isn't just about one woman's fight to get her dog back from the city, though. It's also very much about where she took that fight: online.
I only ever got wind of Brindi's situation because of the massively successful online media campaign Ms. Rogier initiated back when Brindi was first taken from her. Back then, her online presence was only a speck compared to what it is now. Just type "Brindi" and "Halifax" into Google and you'll see what I mean.
I'm not really sure if the online presence had any bearing on the judge's final decision - out of respect for the law, I would say I hope not - but it certainly had a significant effect on people closely associated with the case who were inundated with e-mail campaigns, telephone calls and post mail urging whoever the recipient was to do the right thing - whatever that may have been according to the sender. It was like someone trying to settle a contentious divorce in the court of public opinion and it seemed everyone had a very strong opinion. It was not at all surprising then when small skirmishes broke off from the main one and netizens started attacking other netizens with differing viewpoints via blogs, e-mails and message boards.
These kinds of vitriolic public pissing matches just make the animal welfare community as whole look like a bunch of loons so that's when I tuned out. I've got my own lunacy to deal with; I don't need to absorb anyone else's.
The question is: Did all the online hubbub surrounding Brindi and Ms. Rogier have an impact on the final decision, positive, negative or not at all?
From The Chronicle Herald, Brindi’s life spared:
It’s been almost two years since Rogier’s mixed-breed dog was seized by the Halifax Regional Municipality after it escaped from Rogier’s East Chezzetcook home on July, 20, 2008, and attacked another dog. Brindi was on a muzzle order at the time.
It was the fourth time Brindi, about seven, had attacked another dog and in her decision Judge Alanna Murphy said it was "clearly the most serious" of the incidents.
City lawyer Geoff Newton had asked the judge to order Brindi euthanized.
But Murphy said Rogier had been following the muzzle order and said "one lack of due diligence does not mean that (she) is unable or incapable" of properly handling the dog.
The judge handed down some conditions to go along with Brindi's release back to her owner, Ms. Rogier, but they basically amounted to what every responsible dog owner should be doing anyway: have control of their dogs.
I hope and suspect Ms. Rogier will comply with the judge's orders. It seems to me she's the type of person who, when she sets her mind to doing something, sees it through. This two year ordeal could not have been easy on her and it's obvious that perserverence is one of her strong points.
So that's the main thing, that Brindi gets to go home.
This story isn't just about one woman's fight to get her dog back from the city, though. It's also very much about where she took that fight: online.
I only ever got wind of Brindi's situation because of the massively successful online media campaign Ms. Rogier initiated back when Brindi was first taken from her. Back then, her online presence was only a speck compared to what it is now. Just type "Brindi" and "Halifax" into Google and you'll see what I mean.
I'm not really sure if the online presence had any bearing on the judge's final decision - out of respect for the law, I would say I hope not - but it certainly had a significant effect on people closely associated with the case who were inundated with e-mail campaigns, telephone calls and post mail urging whoever the recipient was to do the right thing - whatever that may have been according to the sender. It was like someone trying to settle a contentious divorce in the court of public opinion and it seemed everyone had a very strong opinion. It was not at all surprising then when small skirmishes broke off from the main one and netizens started attacking other netizens with differing viewpoints via blogs, e-mails and message boards.
These kinds of vitriolic public pissing matches just make the animal welfare community as whole look like a bunch of loons so that's when I tuned out. I've got my own lunacy to deal with; I don't need to absorb anyone else's.
The question is: Did all the online hubbub surrounding Brindi and Ms. Rogier have an impact on the final decision, positive, negative or not at all?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Miles - Brown Labrador Retriever
Miles supposedly has something wrong with one of his legs but whatever it is, he doesn't feel it. He's like a juggernaut on the leash. Virtually unstoppable. Good thing he's such a well natured fellow. Despite needing some lessons on leash etiquette, I suspect this Brown Labrador Retriever will find a home soon enough.
For adoption information on Miles and other dogs (and cats and other animals), please visit Toronto Animal Services.
For adoption information on Miles and other dogs (and cats and other animals), please visit Toronto Animal Services.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Out and about with Stella 1
Stella's never had a chance to see much of the city so this summer I'm taking her around and playing tourist. I'm not sure how much she's going to enjoy this and maybe this is more for me than it is for her but we'll never know until we try.
I was a little concerned at first because when we got into the car and started driving towards Kensington Market, Stella started trembling, thinking I was going to bring her to the vet and the last thing I want to do is wreck her heart from anxiety.
Luckily, it didn't take long for her to realize that a visit to the vet was not on the agenda. She calmed down and put her chin on my shoulder. That's sweet as long as you don't mind having something like a 135 pound infant drool all over your clothing.
Our first stop was the butcher's, specifically Stella's butcher. This is where she gets all her meat so I figured she should see the place. St. Andrew's Poultry is on St. Andrew's in Kensington Market and they have excellent prices on chicken plus Nick, the owner, is a fantastic guy. I also get boxes of big beef bones there as well as various chicken innards and ground beef. If you don't know the place, check it out.
St. Andrew's Poultry
Next we took a short walk through Kensington Market. I wasn't sure how she'd react to the crowded streets and sidewalks. There were lots of new smells for Stella. I could tell she wanted to explore. She'd crane her neck this way then that but she never pulled on the leash and she didn't stick her nose into any outdoor displays of food or try walking into any of the cheese shops. She behaved like a charm.
Kensington Market
We made short stop in Chinatown. Stella drew quite a bit of attention as we walked around trying to find a spot for a tourist photo. Again, I was surprised at how well behaved she was. Now thinking about it, I wonder if she wasn't experiencing a bit of culture shock.
Chinatown
It was starting to rain, so we made a quick dash into the park behind the AGO for a final photo before heading back to the car.
Art Gallery of Ontario - south side
I can't be sure but I think Stella enjoyed herself out on the town playing tourist. I'd like her to see as much of Toronto as possible before the end of summer.
I wonder if the CN Tower lets dogs up the elevator.
I was a little concerned at first because when we got into the car and started driving towards Kensington Market, Stella started trembling, thinking I was going to bring her to the vet and the last thing I want to do is wreck her heart from anxiety.
Luckily, it didn't take long for her to realize that a visit to the vet was not on the agenda. She calmed down and put her chin on my shoulder. That's sweet as long as you don't mind having something like a 135 pound infant drool all over your clothing.
Our first stop was the butcher's, specifically Stella's butcher. This is where she gets all her meat so I figured she should see the place. St. Andrew's Poultry is on St. Andrew's in Kensington Market and they have excellent prices on chicken plus Nick, the owner, is a fantastic guy. I also get boxes of big beef bones there as well as various chicken innards and ground beef. If you don't know the place, check it out.
St. Andrew's PoultryNext we took a short walk through Kensington Market. I wasn't sure how she'd react to the crowded streets and sidewalks. There were lots of new smells for Stella. I could tell she wanted to explore. She'd crane her neck this way then that but she never pulled on the leash and she didn't stick her nose into any outdoor displays of food or try walking into any of the cheese shops. She behaved like a charm.
Kensington MarketWe made short stop in Chinatown. Stella drew quite a bit of attention as we walked around trying to find a spot for a tourist photo. Again, I was surprised at how well behaved she was. Now thinking about it, I wonder if she wasn't experiencing a bit of culture shock.
ChinatownIt was starting to rain, so we made a quick dash into the park behind the AGO for a final photo before heading back to the car.
Art Gallery of Ontario - south sideI can't be sure but I think Stella enjoyed herself out on the town playing tourist. I'd like her to see as much of Toronto as possible before the end of summer.
I wonder if the CN Tower lets dogs up the elevator.
Friday, April 30, 2010
THS elections - Change and RAIN slates combine
From CNW, Animal welfare slates unite in race for THS board:
TORONTO, April 30 /CNW/ - The competition for the board of the Toronto Humane Society just became a whole lot easier to understand as two groups with a similar desire - to make animal welfare the key to a reformed THS - have joined forces.
The Faces of CHANGE slate was elected at a public meeting of THS stakeholders, volunteers and supporters. The RAIN slate was a group of concerned dedicated THS volunteers. The two have united to present a unified slate under the Faces of CHANGE banner.
"We realized that two slates with so much passion for animal welfare would be stronger as one cohesive group," explains Faces of CHANGE spokesperson Marcie Laking.
The slate remains at fifteen, and the RAIN group has officially resigned from the race.
Members will vote for new leadership on May 30, 2010.
"We believe the Toronto Humane Society can be a leader in animal welfare," says Marcie Laking, spokesperson and candidate for the Faces of CHANGE slate. "But it needs a board that is professional; one with the utmost integrity and transparency. What happened at the THS under the current board of directors must never happen again."
The united Faces of CHANGE are:
- Dr. Hanna Booth - Veterinarian
- Michael Downey - President & CEO, Tennis Canada
- Kim Cohen - CEO, Brown & Cohen Communications
- Jennifer Downe - Bank Manager & THS Volunteer
- Judi King - Senior Law Clerk & ART Co-founder
- Marcie Laking - Animal Welfare Advocate
- Linda MacKinnon - Paralegal & ART Co-founder
- Dr. Karen Nasir - Veterinarian
- Peter Newell - Senior Partner, Ogilvy Renault
- Garnet Pratt Siddall - Financial Professional
- Ferne Sinkins - President, Toronto Cat Rescue
- Tom Ungar - President & CEO, MTU Investments
- Ian Wintrip - Director, Wintrip Wolkoff Shin
- Wendy Strickland - Urban Forester, THS volunteer
- Crystal Tomusiak - Criminal Lawyer, THS volunteer
To view the platform and see the Faces of CHANGE animal welfare plan, please visit http://www.reformths.com/.
In the summer of 2009 the Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals charged the entire board of directors with animal cruelty - including acting president Bob Hambley. Those allegations are still before the courts. Yet Hambley is running for re-election. The united Faces of CHANGE encourages the THS membership to inform itself and to elect a brand new board to give the THS the best possible future.
For further information: Marcie Laking, (647) 348-4156, or visit http://www.reformths.com/.
TORONTO, April 30 /CNW/ - The competition for the board of the Toronto Humane Society just became a whole lot easier to understand as two groups with a similar desire - to make animal welfare the key to a reformed THS - have joined forces.
The Faces of CHANGE slate was elected at a public meeting of THS stakeholders, volunteers and supporters. The RAIN slate was a group of concerned dedicated THS volunteers. The two have united to present a unified slate under the Faces of CHANGE banner.
"We realized that two slates with so much passion for animal welfare would be stronger as one cohesive group," explains Faces of CHANGE spokesperson Marcie Laking.
The slate remains at fifteen, and the RAIN group has officially resigned from the race.
Members will vote for new leadership on May 30, 2010.
"We believe the Toronto Humane Society can be a leader in animal welfare," says Marcie Laking, spokesperson and candidate for the Faces of CHANGE slate. "But it needs a board that is professional; one with the utmost integrity and transparency. What happened at the THS under the current board of directors must never happen again."
The united Faces of CHANGE are:
- Dr. Hanna Booth - Veterinarian
- Michael Downey - President & CEO, Tennis Canada
- Kim Cohen - CEO, Brown & Cohen Communications
- Jennifer Downe - Bank Manager & THS Volunteer
- Judi King - Senior Law Clerk & ART Co-founder
- Marcie Laking - Animal Welfare Advocate
- Linda MacKinnon - Paralegal & ART Co-founder
- Dr. Karen Nasir - Veterinarian
- Peter Newell - Senior Partner, Ogilvy Renault
- Garnet Pratt Siddall - Financial Professional
- Ferne Sinkins - President, Toronto Cat Rescue
- Tom Ungar - President & CEO, MTU Investments
- Ian Wintrip - Director, Wintrip Wolkoff Shin
- Wendy Strickland - Urban Forester, THS volunteer
- Crystal Tomusiak - Criminal Lawyer, THS volunteer
To view the platform and see the Faces of CHANGE animal welfare plan, please visit http://www.reformths.com/.
In the summer of 2009 the Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals charged the entire board of directors with animal cruelty - including acting president Bob Hambley. Those allegations are still before the courts. Yet Hambley is running for re-election. The united Faces of CHANGE encourages the THS membership to inform itself and to elect a brand new board to give the THS the best possible future.
For further information: Marcie Laking, (647) 348-4156, or visit http://www.reformths.com/.
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