When I was a kid, 10 or 11, I had a neighbour who was four years younger than me called Johnny. Johnny seemed normal enough but he was also a practicing sadist. He wasn't the typical salt on earthworms or burning ants with magnifying glass type bug torturer, he actually had a real flare for it. He'd do stuff like set up his bicycle on its kickstand and crank the petals to get the rear wheel spinning really fast and then throw grasshoppers through the spokes to see them get cut up or squashed in the gears.
He also used to be able to vomit on command so every so often he'd chase around his older sister, Natalie, who was my age, trying to spew on her. Actually, maybe that's not an example of sadism. Maybe it's just an example of fucked-upness.
I used to live in the suburbs and all the houses in the neighbourhood had window wells to let light into the basements. I don't know what it's like now in the suburbs, but back then, we'd often find toads in those window wells, probably having hopped in sometime during the night and then couldn't get out again. It was a bit of a morning ritual for me to check all the window wells for toads because if they weren't found and released in fairly short order, they'd die and shrivel up into these brown, leathery toad carcasses - and removing those was gross.
One day Johnny came over into my backyard and casually announced that he had found a toad that morning. I must've been busy doing something or maybe just trying to ignore him but either way, I didn't think much of it and he left. It was only later that I found out from his sister what he had done.
Johnny had taken the toad and put it into an empty jar. He then peed in the jar and screwed the lid on tight. Then he brought the jar into the field behind our houses and buried it. I'm not sure what the burying part had to do with anything except that burying something always made it seem that much more mysterious.
Johnny must've told his sister who then told their father.
Let me tell you a bit about their father. He was a commercial pilot when being a commercial pilot still meant something, status and glamour I suppose. He drove a white Mercedes and was quite proud of it, showing it off to me a few times despite the fact that I had no interest in cars. He was also quite proud of being Swiss and being able to ski. Every year, he'd take his family to the Alps for skiing. For me, he may as well have been telling me he took his family to Mars. It was so unbelievable, strange and exotic.
His daughter and I were good friends and maybe I even had a crush on Natalie but it was a time in my life when boys weren't supposed to be interested in girls so I certainly wasn't going to let on. We did hang out, though. Almost every day after school, often with a bunch of the other kids in the neighbourhood. This went on for a couple of years but then as we got a bit older, we started seeing less of each other, maybe only once a week, maybe not even.
One day, as we were walking to the corner store together, Natalie turned to me and said that her father had told her a while back that she should stop seeing me so much and that she should make friends with her own type. I asked what she meant by type and she said, you know, people like where I come from. You mean Swiss people? I asked, thinking that there weren't any other Swiss people in the neighbourhood. Yeah, like that but also Germans are okay. And by that I knew she was refering to Michael who lived across the street from us.
It's funny but I wasn't hurt by that at the time. I knew what racism was but had never really encountered it or maybe I had but never so blatantly and so, for some reason, her words didn't register as racism. It wasn't until years later that I realized what was at the center of that conversation and that Natalie's father was responsible for the end of my friendship with her.
But back to the toad.
I was with the usual gang of kids all draped over the various components of the swingset in my backyard when Natalie came over with some exciting news. She told us that Johnny was going to get the belt from their father because their father had found out what Johnny had done to the toad. The best part was that their father was going to whip Johnny in the garage. Wow! Now we had so many questions. When's it going to happen? How many belts is he gonna get? Will the garage door be open or will we only be able to stand outside and listen? Is it a bare bum whipping or does he get to keep his pants on?
Natalie informed us that it was going to happen right now so we all hurried over to their garage. Unfortunately, the garage door was closed so we all pressed up against it trying to hear what was going on inside.
We didn't hear a thing. Nothing. Massive disappointment. It turned out that Johnny's father had belted him inside the house and not in the garage. We asked Natalie if Johnny would get belted some more and she said maybe because their father was really angry with Johnny. We asked if the next round of belting would happen in the garage and Natalie said maybe. We made her promise to tell us if that was the case.
I look back on that incident and it's of course apparent that Johnny wasn't the only sadist in the group. We pretty well all had an evil, mean streak, ready to take morbid pleasure in someone else's pain. Of course Johnny was a twerp, so that made it especially delightful but still, I was no saint either.
And I'm still no saint now (after all, I certainly didn't feel sorry for the
ear guy) but something inside me has changed since those days. The thought of cruelty applied to an
innocent creature in order for someone to derive pleasure out of it now makes me sick. I don't quite know how that change occured in me nor even quite when it occured. Was the change due to puberty? Was it from watching all those Disney movies? Was it part of becoming "civilized"? And what I also have to wonder is this. Is this something that can be researched, discovered and bottled and fed to people who still have no compassion, who still thrive on cruelty?
I've been thinking about this sadistic urge in people, not only because of the victims of animal abuse I encounter but more recently also because of the experiences a fellow blogger has gone through at the hands of a media inspired lynch mob. It seems that an adult and more acceptable form of sadistic pleasure can be justified with a thin coat of self righteousness and protected by the anonymity of the internet.
Continued
here.