Thursday, July 3, 2008

Mean money

Big news in the dog rescue world is that Leona Hemsley, Queen of Mean, who died last August, has left the majority of her wealth, billions of dollars, to be used for the care and welfare of dogs(

She'd already attempted to leave $12 for the direct care of her dog, Trouble, but the courts have managed to reduce that amount to $2 mil - mostly due to public pressure. Now $2 mil for a dog might seem like a lot of money, especially since the dog isn't going to go out and buy SUV's, mansions, and new electronic gadgets every season but apparently $100,000/year of that has to be spent on its security since several people have already issued death threats against it. They must feel that only humans have the right to be grossly self-indulgent.

Considering the reduction in the inheritence to Trouble, I suspect there will be similar actions taken to reduce the billions intended for dog-centric services across the U.S.

I imagine the trickle down effect will go something like this:

Lawyers for competing business and charitable (non-dog) interests: Your honour, Mrs. Helmsley was obviously irrational when she made that decision to donate her wealth to a bunch of dogs so we request that only 50 million dollars be donated to canine causes and the rest be dispersed amongst her relatives, friends, acquaintances, people she may have said hello to once or twice and various other charitable, business and legal interests which would include, for the most part, us.

Newly created Helmsely Canine Fund board of directors: Now that we've got our 50 million, the first order of business is to build a foundation headquarters. The remaining 5 million or so can be dispersed amongst the rescues and shelters on the shortlist in front of you. Please choose wisely as we of course want the money to go as far as possible in giving dogs more meaningful and fulfilling lives.

Wiggumsville city hall: Hey look, Joe, some nutters just gave us $300,000 to help out with the city pound. This money'll really be helpful with getting more garbage trucks on the street. Let's transfer $295,000 to the waste management department and move the rest to the pound.

Clerk at pound: A cheque for $5000? Not bad. We could buy a lot of new collars and leashes with that.

Wiggumsville city hall: Uh sorry, that was a mistake. We need to take that cheque back. Joe needs donut money.

Volunteer at pound: Hey can I get a new collar? This one's falling apart.

Clerk at pound: Use yer belt.

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