Saturday, August 29, 2009

Genius, utter genius

It's kind of hard to say if this business is the ultimate in cynicism or the ultimate in generosity. All I know is that if there are no animals in heaven, it ain't heaven.

From Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA:

You've committed your life to Jesus. You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

We are currently active in 20 states and growing. Our representatives have been screened to ensure that they are atheists, animal lovers, are moral / ethical with no criminal background, have the ability and desire to rescue your pet and the means to retrieve them and ensure their care for your pet's natural life.


From FAQ's:
Q: How do you ensure your representatives won't be Raptured.
A: Actually, we don't ensure it, they do. Each of our representatives has stated to us in writing that they are atheists, do not believe in God / Jesus, and that they have blasphemed in accordance with Mark 3:29, negating any chance of salvation.


From Terms and Conditions of Service:
If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is "left behind") EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.

4 comments:

House of the Discarded said...

I'm speechless.

redstarcafe said...

The Rapture. Is that like when a whole bag of liver chops empties on the floor?

Fred said...

redstarcafe, yes but it would only last for 30 seconds.

Shannanigans said...

lol that is hilarious. Thank "god" I am not going to heaven...religious people scare me. And if there is a heaven, animals should be the only ones to go. We don't deserve them.