Dear Kate Hammer,

I realize that you may very well not be looking for relationship advice right now but after having talked to you for like 2 minutes the other afternoon, I feel I know you well enough to give you some anyway.

You see, while I was reading The Globe and Mail this morning, I came across that article you wrote about the Toronto Humane Society blocking new members just so they can allegedly stop those wily sneaky sneaks from allegedly going to the alleged Annual General Meeting and voting out the alleged current board of alleged directors.

(Please excuse my new alleged writing style but I'm trying to stay within legal guidelines so I don't get sued. I know it appears to be quite trendy these days to be sued by the THS but some trends, like 1980's hair, are better avoided.)

In the article, you write about the recent spate of lawsuits initiated by the THS, THS' mounting legal bills, protests against the THS, membership denials, weirdness with proxy votes and the crappy timing of the AGM (on a Wednesday at 1:30 in the afternoon - who's going to be able to take time off work to go to that?).

You then tried to initiate dialogue with the THS like any responsible individual would do with another responsible individual to get their side of the story but what you got back from Ian McConachie, THS mouth, was this instead:

“I am writing to you today to inform you that the Toronto Humane Society will no longer deal with reporter Globe & Mailer [sic] Kate Hammer with respect to media requests"

Oh! My! God! To be so publicly rejected by such a poorly written letter!

It must be devastating and I feel for you but sometimes even in one's darkest moments, the light of truth shines through.

You gotta face it, Kate. The THS just isn't that into you.

My suggestion is to form a club. You can call it the "I was rejected by the Toronto Humane Society But I Survived Club". I understand there are at least seven other potential club members (who now may or may not be granted a THS membership by the THS divinity, but regardless, they were rejected once and that should give them enough cred to join your club).

With seven members in the club you can probably have a pretty good time with a backyard, a barbeque and a few bottles of wine and, better yet, you can probably also apply for charitable organization status if you call yourselves a "humane society". Now you might not consider your "humane society" to be eligible for charitable status but from what I hear, the bar is set pretty low these days.

Don't take it too hard, Kate. Many have tried but few have succeeded in getting inside the brain of fortress THS. It's a secretive, smelly place with little appreciation for throwing open its doors and letting fresh air in.

Yours sincerely,

Fred

P.S. You're welcome.